Illusions
by belia
Summary: - Finished - A short after-story about Rachel. The Ellimist has his own ideas for Rachel's fate, but just how does Rachel cope when reality is not what she wanted, nor expected? ^Plz R/R^
1. chance

This is another fic, derived from my old one. It's just another ending among millions and is about what happens after Rachel's death. It is a tribute to Rachel and probably going to be quite short. We'll see.  
  
Anyway, I'll like to say really big thanx to those who reviewed..(and criticised) my old fic. AND I hope you'll be as nice in this fic. So.thanx for reading, and keep on reviewing!!  
  
Disclaimer: not mine. Don't sue.  
  
*~*  
  
Rachel's POV  
  
*~*  
  
'Whaddya mean I'll be divverent..?' I exploded, my language was slurred and I had no control over what I was saying.  
  
What?  
  
'Ellimist..' my rage was burning now, how.?  
  
I HAD ALREADY SAID, TIME WAS NOT TO BE CHANGED. A HAD MADE A BLUNDER WHEN THE FIRST TWIST WAS MADE. YOU HAVE ALREADY WITNESSED THE RESULT OF TIME CHANGE. THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO, THIS MISTAKE IS YOURS, AND YOURS ALONE. ALL YOU MUST REMEMBER IS THAT THIS PROVOKE OF TIME IS PERMANENT. AND PERMANENT IT WILL STAY.  
  
'You.left me here without any knowledge of change, space or time. It..it your mistake too.you took me here, you brought me to this time, now GET ME OUT!.' I was spitting fury, this Ellimist, what was he to know? To take us places, to use us, to tell us what to do. Just who was he to do this?  
  
I AM BUT MYSELF, IN A GAME OF PLAYERS AND PIECES. I AM NOT ONE TO DO ANYTHING., FOR NOTHING IS TRULY IN MY CONTROL. BUT A GAME, AN ENTERTAINMENT, THAT IS WHAT WE EXIST IN, EVEN I. I ANSWER YOUR QUESTION NOW: I AM THE NOT ONE TO DO THIS, I AM NOT THE ONE WHO HAS DONE THIS.  
  
'The answer me Ellimist. why? Why did this have to happen? Why did I have to do this, why did some of us cease to exist? Why Jake? Why Cassie, Marco, Ax? Why Tobias? Answer me this.' I was not calm, I didn't feel like I'd ever be calm. Holding down rage, controlling anger.  
  
YOU ASK WHY I HAVE DONE THIS. WHY I HAVE LAY EVERYTHING IN YOUR HANDS. WHY I LET YOU CONTROL TIME AND SPACE. BECAUSE, CHILD, IT IS MY TIME TO SIMPLY CEASE TO EXIST, MY TIME IS OVER IN THIS WORLD-  
  
'I thought you could live forever.' I said mockingly, and harsh.  
  
LIFE, RACHEL, IS EVERYTHING BUT ETERNAL. MY TIME HAS COME, AS YOURS ONCE HAD. BUT, UNLIKE YOU, I AM NOT ONE TO CHANGE IT, TO CHANGE TIME.  
  
'Your point exactly.?' I was frustrated, the longer it took him to get to the point, the more danger my friends were in.  
  
I WILL GO. DIE, IF YOU MUST. I SAY AGAIN, MY TIME HAS ENDED AND IT IS TO YOU THAT I LAY THE BURDEN I ONCE HELD. THE BURDEN OF GAME, THE BURDEN OF WATCHING, BUT NOT CHANGING. RULES, CHILD, IT IS ALL THAT PREVENTS WHAT EVIL THAT HAS NOT ALREADY HAPPENED, TO OCCUR.  
  
'So..?' I asked, pointedly.  
  
YOU WILL BECOME WHAT I AM, THE ELLIMIST. EXCEPT YOU WILL ALWAYS BE RACHEL. WHATEVER KNOWLEDGE, STRENGTH, POWER I OWN WILL BE DOWNLOADED INTO YOU. YOU BELIEVED I WAS POWERFUL, YOU BELIEVED I WAS ALMIGHTLY. YOU WILL GAINED WHAT I HAD ONCE EARNED.  
  
'But.why me? Why not Jake, or Tobias. Why the arrogant, ruthless, stupidly brave, insane..all I want to know is...why me?.' Spluttering useless excuses, I couldn't be true. I was dead, wasn't I? I was one of the pieces in this insane game, now I would be the player.  
  
THERE IS NO REASON. YOU HAVE LEARNT MUCH, RACHEL. AND YOU HAVE ADJUSTED TO IT. I AM THANKFUL FOR WHAT YOU HUMANS HAVE TAUGHT ME, AND WHAT YOU HAVE SHOWN ME. INSIDE OF YOU RACHEL, THERE ARE SECRETS THAT NO ONE MAY EVER KNOW OF.  
  
I nodded, eyes downcast. I didn't want to hear what he was to say next. I didn't want this to happen to me. I wanted out, to be home, to see Jake and Tobias, and Cassie and..i just wanted things to be normal again.  
  
TO EVERYONE ELSE, YOU ARE RUTHLESS, BRAVE, INSANE, AS YOU HUMANS CALL IT. BUT YOU MUST UNDERSTAND, THAT NO MATTER WHAT ANYONE ELSE THINKS, YOU SHOULD BELIEVE WHAT YOU TELL YOURSELF. AND THIS: THAT YOU WILL ALWAYS BE THE HERO YOUR FRIENDS KNEW YOU WERE.  
  
I didn't want to cry either. I don't know why it was sad, it just was. And I just cried.  
  
'So, you will just leave.like go? Where?'  
  
UNKNOWN. EVEN A BEING LIKE ME DOES NOT UNDERSTAND THE FULL MEANING OF DEATH.. OR LIFE. CRAYAK ONCE WAS ENSLAVED BY POWER, DO NOT LET IT OVERCOME YOU, FOR POWER AND FEAR ARE THE GREATEST ENEMIES OF ALL. I TELL YOU THIS:  
  
'What was done was done and what was said was said. You can do nothing to change that. But, what will come may not come and what was predicted may not occur. Rules and changes have governed this game, but a player remains a player. When defeated, he aims for success and when succeeds, does not despise defeat. Mistakes are forgotten after time goes on, but success is remembered. If the opposition has conquered a game, resigning will do nothing but lead to defeat. As the end draws near, there is but only one victory: Experience.'  
  
With this final speech, he disappeared. Without wanting to, maybe he had wanted me to see the end. The strands of space time stood before me once again, and this time it was not my shine of light that faded away into nothing, but his. And when it did, a billion years of knowledge entered me. Thousands of species, millions of galaxies.  
  
I knew what I had to do.  
  
*~*  
  
So. What do you think? How should I continue? All you need to do it click and review. 


	2. hope

To those who bother reading my writings: thanx, and sorry about taking so long, and writing such a short piece of work. I'm in the middle of my exams and just be grateful I bothered to write this instead of studying for geography. Anyway, I hope you like it and don't forget to review.  
  
*~*  
  
Turning to the billion strands of lives that- I realized in shock- I was in total control of. I could destroy whom I wished and I could save whom I wanted. Like.Jake, and Tom and.Tobias.  
  
But, how?  
  
I had said there were billions, and billions there were. Which ones were my friends? I had no idea. There were thousands being born, millions dying as I waited and many more intertwining, joining and crossing others on the journey they called life. It all seemed like ages ago, life. Like it had disappeared within me. Immortality had changed me in a matter of moments. Eternal life was twisting my thoughts and defying what I once thought was-  
  
No. I couldn't let my mind wander. Lives were at stake and my friends were in danger. Scanning back and forth through bright shining strands and dull, almost lifeless lines, I grew frustrated very quickly. How hard could it be to find six- I mean, five- strands that were twisted around each other in more ways than possible. Very hard apparently. Losing focusing again, I scolded myself. At times like this when time was meant to be precious and every second counted, I wasted it.  
  
Scanning, searching, seeking. Flipping through pages of a thousand-page encyclopedia, hoping to find a specific page without a guide or reference. Trying to locate a book in a library without numbers or assistance of any kind. That's what this was like.  
  
After.how long? Time didn't really matter here did it? But it did in the real world, the world where I no longer existed. It affected them, my friends. They could be in trouble or they might need help. What if.they were.dead? But they couldn't be could they? Could that be the reason I could not locate them, even among so many others. Could they have been dying as I selfishly worried about my own well being? Could it?  
  
No, I reassured myself. They wouldn't do anything that would harm themselves on purpose in any way. And the Yeerk threat was over, wasn't it. They ended it right after.right after.Strange. I have no living memory of what occurred the day I had intended to kill someone. Jake.he had told me to.then.I forget. Well, obviously something went wrong or I wouldn't have appeared here.  
  
I slumped to the ground, exhausted. Below me was empty space and a clear blackness that looked eerily haunting. Yet it felt like the cold, uninviting touch of stone. Staring up at the ever-moving and ever-changing lines above me, I noticed a light, almost faded line. Fluorescent in colour and forever moving, forever twisting and turning and detaching from other lines, even without help I knew to whom this pale, yet vivid line belonged.  
  
I should have known, I did know. After all, she had been my best friend for.forever it seemed.  
  
*~*  
  
There we go.I told you it was short.:'(.I'll write more after this exam.which ends in two days.) And thanks for reading.review!! (am I getting annoying yet with the review thing? If so, let me know.all you have to do is click on the little box below.) 


	3. uncover

Ahh.next chapter! I wonder how long that was. Well, here it is. So enjoy reading.(I think.)  
  
*~*  
  
Steadying myself on the ground I glanced down once more, the empty never ending darkness, it was something I would never get used to, no matter how many millions of years I was imprisoned here.  
  
Cassie, I just knew it was and I didn't need proof. It was instinct, intuition, whatever. That line belonged to Cassie.  
  
But what was I supposed to do? I had found her, but what did I want? I had wanted answers, conclusions, suggestions and advice. Could Cassie really provide me all this information? And where were the others? My mind strained with the stress and tension. I grew almost to the point of anger then I relaxed. I dropped again and stared at the blank emptiness. I would do what the Ellimist did, I decided. The knowledge he gave me, it would know what to do.  
  
Without anymore strength or thought, I glanced down at my form as it flickered for a second, like a candle. Then I was in Cassie's barn.  
  
"Cassie?" my voice echoed though the barn. Memories flooded me, images of us talking, joking and relieved after a victorious battle. Moments where tension and fear filled every damp and dusty corner as we discussed and planned our next mission. "Cassie?"  
  
"Coming!" A voice sounded from the inside of the house. But when the door of the barn open, a young woman opened the door, she was dressed down but was quite pretty. It suddenly occurred to me just how many years had past since the last.But the girl, Cassie, she took one look at me and staggered back. She was breathing hard and balancing herself on a cage of scampering raccoons. "Who're you? No."  
  
"Cassie? What's wrong? It just me." I faltered. It wasn't just me, even I had realized that something had changed, something had happened, we all were different.  
  
"Who are you?" she repeated, colour was returning to her formerly flushed cheeks and her breathing was no longer fast and ragged.  
  
"You can't just not recognise me? It's me, even though we've changed, it's still me here. Rachel." I suddenly realized I was persuading, almost begging, and not only to Cassie. I was telling myself.  
  
"Rachel?" At first she looked alarmed, but it disappeared so quickly I'm sure I probably imagined it, the next second, the girl I once knew as Cassie, my best friend, had fallen back onto the cages and was whimpering. "No.not Rachel.gone.all." The face of a young girl suddenly shone through, the face I once knew as the innocent and naïve Cassie. She was pleading.  
  
"Cassie, you must believe me. It's me.please. Don't you remember? The Animorphs, Cassie.you have to remember." Now it was my turn to be alarmed, she couldn't have forgotten, could she? The Ellimist never would have done this, to erase my past and knowledge.  
  
"I haven't forgotten, I never could forget. The battles.the screams.the blood. Memories of war cannot be wiped away no matter how faded they have become." Cassie's voice was steady and betrayed no emotion. Once again, she sounded like the woman she had become.  
  
I finally understood what had changed, why the distance between us had grown, why similarities seemed so distant. It wasn't because we had forgotten the past or because I had not been around. It was because Cassie had grown up over the years and I hadn't. Inside, I still was the young, ignorant child. Harsh, arrogant and naïve. Cassie had come to realize that change was necessary. She had grown up and her beliefs and thoughts had differed. When would I?  
  
Sighing, I sat down on a bale of hay. "Cassie, you need to understand. This is me, I'm Rachel. The Ellimist, he.its just all messed up. I just need you to believe me, please Cassie."  
  
Her dark eyes stared at me intently for a few moments, finally she let her gaze relax. "I believe you Rachel, I believe the Ellimist. Now, what happened?"  
  
"I was hoping you could tell me. I.I don't remember anything. Just that there was a bear, a white bear.and a snake.and." I scratched my head and gave a small smile, "I really don't know."  
  
She nodded, and a faint smile appeared on her lips. "It's been a long time Rachel. You left us.you died. We all witnessed the incident. There had been a bear and a snake. Jake." Cassie's voice quivered, "Jake, he ordered.he asked you to kill his b- the kill Tom. You died.you were killed in the battle. The others.Ax, he was reported missing and the others went on a search mission. They never returned." She looked up, and I could see the pain in her eyes.  
  
I realized I was breathing hard, the shock was too much to absorb at once. If I had died, then what was I doing here? How would I still be able to come here? Why weren't the others with me? But I knew the answer. The Ellimist, anything out of the ordinary had always involved him and his meddlings, anything that didn't seem to make sense.  
  
"Does the Ellimist have anything to do with this?" Cassie said, as if reading my mind. I nodded. "He told me it was me who was to take his place in the universe. That the battle was now mine."  
  
Cassie looked at me, straight in the eye. "Then, you should listen to what he is telling you. I have already told you what I know so you should go now. This is my past, it is over, but this is your present, it is for you to learn." With that she walked past me, picked up a bucket and headed back for the door. But as she opened is, she turned back. The smiling face of Cassie, the child, looked at me, compassion shining in her dark eyes. "I'll never forget you, Rachel, whatever happens." Then she left.  
  
*~*  
  
well, at least it's longer than the other one. Is it ok? let me know.ok, ok I wont say it. 


	4. broken

Finally.the finale.sorry it took so long.well, read on.oh and btw, its short so.so you can blame me.  
  
*~*  
  
I bit my lip as the door locked behind her. I knew that'd be the last time I'd ever see her again, face to face. The last time I'd had talked with her again. My best friend, my only friend, Cassie.  
  
I knew I couldn't stay, someone might come. But I also couldn't leave. The very essence of my friends existed in this barn. It had been our salvation, our hideout. Leaning back, I closed my eyes. The memories were fresh just as relief was always welcoming, the victories were satisfying and the pain.the pain was haunting. Haunting. Screaming, slashing, killing. The roars, the agony, and the blood. Blood everywhere. Red, spilling blood. Dark, soaking blood.  
  
I was on the floor, clutching my knees tight against my chest. And I was crying. Salty tears streamed silently down my cheeks. And I let them. Because, I told myself, that would be the last time I ever cried for war, for bloodshed, for battle. And there I sat, rocking back and forth, somehow finding comfort in the animals through the cold misery. A faint smile played on my lips as, from the rafters [the same place Tobias used to sit to keep watch] a bald eagle sat and stared at me with the deepest eyes imaginable, eyes that reflected knowledge and caring and hope. Almost as if understood, almost as if it knew what I was going through.  
  
*~*  
  
I was back in the barn. Well, not exactly the real barn, an image, a hologram maybe. The Ellimist had powers that I would never understand, but for now, this was better than pitch-black emptiness. And I liked it. I found comfort in it, even if those memories seemed to leak out and seep from the very walls. Good or bad, right or wrong, joyous or sorrowful, I had to learn to live with them. Just as Cassie had. Cassie. How could I do this? I couldn't even let go of Cassie. How would I face my past? And if I could see Jake again, or Tobias, Ax or Marco, would I be able to keep myself together? I wanted to see them again so much. Just us, the Animorphs, all together, safe. Alive. And yet I didn't. I didn't want to see them again. All they would do is make me feel more guilty and hurt. I know that they are dead. Gone. Like I would have been. Maybe even with them. "I hate you, Ellimist," I shouted angrily, "It's all your fault! Why'd you have to bring me back? What can I do here? I'm no use! Change it! Take it back! Bring me back." I could feel the anger well up inside me. It wasn't my fault. He brought me here. He brought me into this. And he shouldn't have.  
  
*~*  
  
I had been thinking for hours now, maybe even days. Or maybe it had only been a few minutes. Who could tell? Well, I sure couldn't. That's right. I was annoyed, and I should be left alone when I'm alone. Except there was a problem, there was no one to leave me alone. I was alone. I had wondered how long it would take before I became lonely. I was stuck here. What else could I do? I wasn't the Ellimist. He didn't teach me what to do. Was there even anything to do? Wasn't the war over anyway? 'Weren't there enough people dead?' I thought bitterly. "Aren't there?" I screamed into the quiet. Why didn't the animals move? Why were they silent and still? Weren't they alive? "No, they aren't," I yelled bitingly, "No, they're just like me. Not dead, not alive, they're just like me." My own cries of anger gave me comfort, just to hear a voice, even if it was my own. I choked as the tears threatened to fall. I had vowed not to cry, I told myself. "I had vowed not to cry for war, not this," I whispered quietly to the unmoving animals, and the tears slipped. "Just take me back," I whispered, "Anywhere but here. Just take me back. I'll take myself back. I'll go. But I can't..can't you? Please.take me back.anywhere.. please..I'm begging you.please.just take me back.I know you can hear me.please.I'm begging you.please." I started to sob, uncontrollably. I was shaking. I was alone. And most of all, I was afraid.  
  
*~*  
  
Suddenly I felt exhausted. I didn't want to argue anymore. I didn't want to do anything. I just.wanted to go away.fade away into the night. Leave my duty, leave this role the Ellimist had intended me play. Just go, wherever, whatever. All I wanted was to disappear, to dissolve into the blackness that had once scared me. Now I wanted to be a part of it. But I couldn't, I was still in the barn. And as I drifted off, as I floated away, the memories returned. But these memories were happy, they calmed my soul, my spirit, they made me smile. Marco.Jake.Ax.Tobias.They were all there. Cassie.sweet Cassie.she had been different from us.lucky Cassie.Goodbye.And even while I faded away, as content as I could imagine, the barn's image stayed clear and the eyes of the eagle shone clearer in my memory than ever before. They shone, with knowledge and wisdom and courage, hope and faith and joy. And love. All the things that I had ever wanted, anything I had ever cared for, all the things that I ever desired to be. And all the things that I was.  
  
*~*  
  
Was it good? Was it ok? Was it bad? Should I redo it? Should I continue? Should I just leave it? Should I change it? Will you review? Can you please? Should I start another fic? As you can see, I have a lot of unanswered questions, and I need your help to answer them so.I'd love your opinion. As for my own opinion.umm..i guess it was ok. It could have been longer. I bit twisted. Her emotions take a kind of strange turn. I actually have an alternate ending, should I post it up? The only thing is I haven't finished.:P and I probably don't intend to.:P ok, ok, I'll try.  
  
In the end though, thank you SO much for reading anyway. emberyn 


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